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| The glossiest cable box on the market. It plays games too! |
On May 21st, Microsoft held a press release event to introduce their brand-new console. The follow-up to the industry-changing Xbox 360, called the Xbox One, was revealed to the public on that faithful day. With the reveal of Microsoft's next foray into the console wars, the Microsoft employees in the audience returned with a resounding applause and cheering that filled the conference room.
Microsoft was incredibly vague with details that they should know by now that people want to know as soon as possible (games and price being the big details), but the folks over at Microsoft figured that people wouldn't want to know about the price for a game console, much less the games that consumers will be able to play on their new Xbox One once it's released - instead, it should have been obvious we wanted to know about how this new machine would allow us to interact with our TVs, and how we'll be able to talk to it to make it do things...oh, and let's not forget that buying used games is a big hit for Microsoft, a company really hurting for cash. We are in full-swung support for killing the used game market so that we can spend more money on video games that we already don't need!
Have you ever been sitting on the couch, thinking to yourself, "Man, turning on my TV with my remote sure is strenuous...?" Well now, with the new Xbox One, you can turn on your TV hands-free by saying, "Xbox On", and using the new, innovative controller to snap your TV display onto your screen...through the Xbox One's new innovative Operating System! Oh, and must we even confirm the obvious? You all asked for it: Kinect is back and better than ever!
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| The Xbox One was one big mistake! |
And let's not forget that the new Xbox One virtually acts as an all-in-one media center and gaming rig. Boasting a massive eight-core processor and 8GB of RAM, this beast is sure to run any application in the blink of an eye...after you consider the dedicated 3GB of RAM for the OS. That's right, reader: you can use Skype, browse on the ever-so-dependable Internet Explorer, and even access the returning Xbox Live Marketplace through this speed demon of a machine!
Microsoft has been quoted in saying that the Kinect cannot be disabled on the Xbox One, and that it's also been improved. Having improved reading times for motion, Kinect games will function much better, like everyone wanted it to four years ago. And this new version of the hardy device can even read your heat signature, detect changes in heart rates, and calculate equations to thirteen billionths of a second! It's also been rumored that the new Kinect is very sensitive toward these heat signatures, is great on dinner dates, and loves long walks on the beach. While some may find this Kinect to be a great improvement in engineering from the last, I find that it's a bit too clingy. Plus, my girlfriend might get jealous. Did I mention that the Kinect is required for the console itself to function, meaning you can't disable it? The bundling of every system with a Kinect will also drive up retail prices dramatically ($500-$600 range)...but it's Microsoft, right? They put good effort into making the money they
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| Get rid of me? I'm sorry Will, I'm afraid I can't do that... |
Did you know that the brand-new Xbox One also plays video games? Can you believe it? You see, in the pipeline there seems to be a great emphasis on what made the original Xbox great: First-Person Shooters, sports games, and nothing but. Some people seem to be skeptical at Microsoft's claim to release fifteen first-party titles ("First-party" meaning games developed by Microsoft themselves) by the end of the year, eight of which will be new franchises we haven't seen before! Many circulating rumors speculate that these games allow you to interact with the consoles in compelling and exciting ways, such as paying retail price to play a used game, making out with the Kinect's lens when your family isn't home, and throwing the entire unit out of your second-story window.
Microsoft ensures that their 24-hour checkups on your console will ensure that
Needless to say, I was left absolutely speechless after watching Micro$oft's press conference to introduce their newest paperweight. I was astounded at how many new features were gonna be available that I can already access on my TV or computer, and was absolutely blown away when I saw that new Kinect that will always be online, watching my every move, and waiting for me to sweet-talk it. The new announcement of Call of Duty: Ghosts rendered me speechless; it's about time Infinity Ward pulled up their socks and showed us that they could render dirt under a soldier's fingernails. And lastly, I can't even comment on their attacks on the used game market, Gamestop, EB Games, and households without an internet connection - it was so smart of them to design their console to keep out those mean-spirited poor people who can't shell out full prices for games or afford to pay for internet bills; an absolutely ingenious move on their part.
The Xbox One has me really excited. It's making the Wii U look like gold.